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Mistakes with e-mail, 'friend' should be a learning experience

By Linda Lerner, Globe Correspondent, 11/7/04

Need advice about managing your career or workplace? Our specialists can help. E-mail questions to ; fax to 617-929-3183; or mail to Job Doc, The Boston Globe, P.O. Box 55819, Boston, MA 02205-5819.

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I was frustrated and tired at work and really angry with our boss and the company, so I Blackberried an off-the-cuff e- mail and sent it to my ''friend'' Fred in the office. I never expected Fred to show that email to anyone, especially not the CEO. To make an embarrassingly long story short, I was basically asked to leave the company. I am now looking for a new professional position. My real question is: how do you avoid back-stabbing friends at the office?

There are two separate issues in your story. One issue results from your use of e-mails and the other is your relationship management. I hope that with the passing of time, you can see that Fred was not really your problem. Sometimes we do dumb things and we get away with it and sometimes our poor judgment forces us to learn a new lesson.

For further insight into your situation, I have consulted with Laurence J. Stybel and Maryanne Peabody of Stybel Peabody Lincolnshire, a Boston firm that helps companies manage sensitive leadership issues.

They both say that Fred was only a symptom of your problem and if you do not learn from your mistakes, you risk repeating them. The ''mistakes'' Stybel and Peabody refer to begin with using your Blackberry or any e-mail system to let off steam. ''Nothing is confidential with e-mail and e-mails can easily be discovered as evidence if problems ever escalate into lawsuits. Any e-mail can become public and, once sent, is out of your control. Blackberry devices are particularly problematic for letting off steam and personal frustration because the satisfaction of doing so is right at hand and so easy and immediate.''

The second mistake was assuming Fred was your friend. We sometimes become confused with how to define friend in a business setting. We can all benefit from clarifying and categorizing our perceptions of friendships at work. In managing these relationships we often use broad and imprecise categories such as friends, chums, colleagues, allies, and enemies. These general categories often lead to unclear boundaries and less effective relationship management. Here are some examples Stybel and Peabody commonly use:

Best friends: This is a term often used by children. It is possible to have many best friends. Best friends are those people who will love you regardless of your actual behavior. They can be anchor points in your life. Most of us count ourselves lucky to have even one best friend. Given the realities of business life, don't look for best friends in business. Harry Truman once put it in the context of the presidency, but it also applies at work: ''If you want a best friend, get a dog.''

Friends: Our definition of friend is someone who is much closer to you than a professional colleague and whom you care about. Someone whose death, for example, would distress you to the point of tears or disorientation.

Chums: When co-workers are potential adversaries and also have positive emotional feelings toward each other, they can be called chums. For example, former Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill, a Democrat, and former Republican Senate Majority Leader Robert Dole were political adversaries. But they enjoyed each other's company so much they took vacations together and purchased condo units in the same building.

In retrospect, you misdiagnosed Fred. Fred was a chum and not a friend.

It is a pleasure to have chums in business as long as the contingency basis for the relationship is kept in mind. ''When employees are terminated, we often find an emotional letdown when they discover that their ''friends'' do not return phone calls or are unhelpful in their job searches. They often externalize their reaction, blaming their problems on ''false friends.''

In our thinking, however, the real source of the problem might lie in our clients' misclassification of the relationship in the first place.

Chumship is a contingency relationship at best and it can, and does, frequently shift positions. Therefore, do not take a chum's support for granted. Stybel and Peabody suggest keeping control of your relationship management and chum-building especially at professional and executive levels.

Laws limit where, when 9-year-old can work

My nine-year-old daughter wants to get a job. She is very energetic and says she needs to earn money to pay for her annual Girl Scout trip. I believe she is too young to work and that there must be a law prohibiting children her age from working. Her brother, who is 17, has had a newspaper route. He drives around our neighborhood delivering papers before school. She says she can do the same using her bike. Can you give me information about the employment of a girl of who is eager to work?

There are laws that cover the employment of minors. Minors are defined as children who are less than 18 years old. Historically, the severe abuses of child labor resulted in both the federal government and the states developing laws that guide and restrict the employment of minors. In researching the answer to your question, I was surprised to learn that even a 9-year-old is permitted to work but in very limited circumstances. To summarize Massachusetts state law, minors between the ages of 9 and 11 cannot work during school hours, they cannot begin working prior to 6 in the morning and they cannot work beyond 8 at night. This age group is permitted to work at selling or delivering newspapers but they must have permission in writing from their parents to do so.

Massachusetts General Laws, Chapter 149, sections 87 through 89, describe in detail the need for and requirements of a work permit, which is obtained from the superintendent of schools. Chapter 149, Section 61 states that no child under age 16 may work in a factory, workshop, manufacturing company, mechanical establishment or around hazards or hazardous equipment. Most high schools and middle schools are very familiar with the guidelines and rules relating to employment of a minor student. For future reference, laws relating to the employment of minors are enforced by the United States Department of Labor and the Massachusetts attorney general's office.

Sick leave based on firm's policy, not law

Two weeks ago, my job was eliminated as part of a company reorganization and I was given three weeks' notice. There was an exit interview with the human resources department where I was told I would not be receiving pay for the 14 days of sick time I have accumulated. Isn't it against the law not to pay me for these days that they owe to me?

The amount of sick leave a company gives and the terms and conditions for eligibility for that time is up to the company. Sick leave is based on company policy and is not based on any law.

Unlike some other time-off situations, sick time is not a mandatory benefit which is regulated by law.

A company may design a sick leave policy that suits its particular needs or matches the competition in their industry.

Some sick leave policies don't allow any accumulation of unused sick days, sometimes known as the ''use-it-or-lose-it policy,'' others put a cap or set a maximum number that can be accumulated; for example, a maximum of 60 days can be accumulated during the life of your employment with the company and still other companies have unlimited accumulation policies.

Whatever is stated in the written policy is what the company is required to do on a consistent basis for all employees covered by that sick-leave policy.

Some employers have created incentives for not using sick time by paying employees an annual dollar amount to reward attendance.

Most companies do not pay terminating employees for unused sick time. Often, the payment of sick time upon termination is confused with the payment of accumulated vacation days, which must be paid out to the employee when he leaves the company.

People assume that if one form of paid time off is required by law to be paid, then the other is too.

Linda Lerner, former head of HR for US Trust, is now a consultant who teaches human resources classes at Stonehill College.

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